It's been difficult, painful, and confusing all at the same time. When the penny dropped, "O that's what's going on." I decided I would continue; even kick up my time in the Big Room. Worship, wait, read, lay on the floor and play my guitar. I am contending for His Name and for His Fame. I have a ministry to an audience of One and am learning that He is all I need. He is the One who rescued me and everything else is considered rubbish. (not there yet)
In the mean time, and it's been a mean time. I've fluctuated, getting some of what I was supposed to get ... humility... and then being almost in despair. I can identify much with many Psalms.
On a interesting note. I've seen more power in my life to help people and I have seen more healing and encouraging words flow.
Three Friends speak the truth i love:
Three people spoke into my life in this season. Jimmy, from Scotland, was real helpful. I'm grateful he is a kind straight shooter. I'm still learning I'm not "dead meat" yet. It's taking some time. Maybe that's why we are encouraged to take up the cross daily.
When you are fully dead, stuff doesn't bother you, or at least doesn't bother you as much.
If you are not dead, ego and emotion and self rise. I've been amazed how much self / ego / pride / death is in me especially when offended by situations, people's remarks and digging potatoes. See full post on digging potatoes: stevebowen.blogspot.com/2014/04/digging-potatoesa-way-of-life.html
Steven had a good word for me concerning my mind set. He encouraged me that my mindset needed renewing and changing. My mind was set on the wrong set of values. In other words, he told me I needed to repent in a nice way.
Repentence is is changing your mind set which changes your attitude and actions.
So, the next day became one long session of coming to Jesus and coming clean. You know it all, you see it all, you hear it all. I changed my mind by confessing and repenting. I'm working on a new set to think upon. I'm also reading Steve Backlund's book Victorious Mindsets thanks to Steven passing it on.
Marc and I then had a chance meeting which was really a set up. We talked for a couple of hours. He is developing some thinking around the danger of consulting your soul instead of connecting to the Life Giver. Easily done, especially if you have a series of pity parties, compaining fits, or don't tell your soul, mind, will and emotions to get a grip, or if someone offends you and you want rise up and get your own back. He emailed an article to me which I found extremely helpful and timely which is at the bottom of this ramble.
It interesting all three basically said, and are saying the same thing and bringing encouragement and correction to me in a way I can handle it. Two spoke to me face to face and spoke to me gently.
Jimmy lives in Scotland so, he kindly messaged and encouraged me.
All three I know personally, and I know they care about me and want me to end well. Ending well?... Actually I'm hopeful the best is yet to come.
What I'm trying to say is that listening to people who care about you is important, as is the process of learning humility and allowing Jesus to have his way. Sometimes we think it's man doing bad things to us, when in reality it's the discipline and love of our Father.
Jesus spoke to his disciple "as they could hear him." Sometimes we become so entrenched in our own self and our sense of entitlement we can't hear anyone, much less change our mind. It's taken awhile but I think I'm now on track. I know these guys will let me know if I'm not and I'm grateful.
Here is the article:
The Danger of Despair
Posted: December 17, 2014
Since time immemorial the devil has used discouragement to weaken believers’ defenses against the temptation to sin. Discouragement—which can befall the godliest of saints—can easily lead to self-pity. Once a person begins to feel sorry for himself, he becomes easy prey for the enemy. The lives of Asaph and Cain demonstrate two different and opposite ways to respond when things go wrong.
Since time immemorial the devil has used discouragement to weaken believers’ defenses against the temptation to sin. Discouragement—which can befall the godliest of saints—can easily lead to self-pity. Once a person begins to feel sorry for himself, he becomes easy prey for the enemy. The lives of Asaph and Cain demonstrate two different and opposite ways to respond when things go wrong.
Asaph, a Levite, was appointed as worship leader by King David because of his great love for God and his ability to lead others into His presence. And yet, Psalm 73 recounts the story of how he became discouraged one day and nearly got himself into real spiritual trouble. “My feet came close to stumbling,” he later confessed, “my steps had almost slipped.” Asaph almost slid into a pit of depression and despair when he began to focus on “the prosperity of the wicked.”
“They are not in trouble as other men,” he lamented to himself, “nor are they plagued like mankind.” Asaph could not reconcile the fact that “the wicked” seemed to be blessed, while he seemed to have nothing but troubles. “Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure and washed my hands in innocence; for I have been stricken all day long and chastened every morning.”
Asaph’s discouragement nearly set his feet on the slippery path of self-pity. With his attention focused on the prosperity of the wicked, he began to question the goodness of God. One more precarious step in this direction could have been disastrous, but Asaph was a man who knew his God. “When I pondered to understand this, it was troublesome in my sight until I came into the sanctuary of God…”
Many years later, the prophet Habakkuk would struggle with the very same question. Ultimately, he too found the way out of discouragement by getting his eyes back on the Lord. “Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines,” he wrote, “yet I will exult in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.” (3:17-18)
Godly people discover that the way out of the discouragements of life is always by focusing their minds back on “the beauty of the Lord.” They understand that this world belongs to the enemy; that they were created for another world. Thus, rather than turning inward to self, they turn to the Lord in the midst of discouragement. Asaph’s entire perspective brightened when he got his eyes off himself and onto the Lord. “Whom have I in heaven but You?” he exclaimed. “And besides You, I desire nothing on earth. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
Asaph’s and Habakkuk’s responses contrast strikingly with that of Cain. He, too, faced a difficult situation, but rather than respond in the right way, he became increasingly embittered over God’s dealings with him.
Cain was clearly a religious man, evidenced by the fact that he willingly arrived at the appointed time with an offering. Unquestionably, his sacrificial gift came at a very real and personal cost. Nevertheless, the Lord rejected his offering for one very important reason: Cain’s religious life was not founded upon faith, submission and love to the Lord, but in self-works.
“The way of Cain,” as Jude later coined it, denotes the underlying attitude of entitlement—that each act of sacrifice is a great gift to God deserving recognition and praise. There are many in the Church today who exhibit this self-centered agenda. When God withholds His blessing, or allows suffering of any kind into their lives, they start feeling sorry for themselves. “Look at all I have given up for the Lord,” they trumpet indignantly. “I go to church every Wednesday and twice on Sunday. I’ve paid my tithes for many years. And this is the thanks I get?!” Rather than seeing all that God has done for them, all they can see is what they have done for Him. Blinded by self-righteousness and self-pity, they view themselves as His benefactors, instead of sinful wretches unworthy of grace and mercy.
God, in His infinite holiness, must reject, and always has rejected, such self-centered religion. When He refused to accept Cain’s offering, we are told that Cain “became very angry and his countenance fell.” In other words, he plummeted into a depression. He sat down in a heap of self-pity and sulked—the first biblical instance of someone throwing a temper tantrum.
Cain’s attitude can be summed up in the distressing words of the unprofitable servant (in the parable of the talents): “I knew you to be a hard taskmaster.” And so God always seems to those who live in self-will. They fully expect Him to bless their plans and when He doesn’t—or when things go wrong—they rise up in anger with Him. He seems like a “hard taskmaster,” a demanding boss who cannot be satisfied. This attitude, if persisted in, leads to self-pity, which in turn, paves the way for deeper, more grievous sins.
The Lord saw that Cain was in great spiritual danger. In spite of the blasphemous accusations churning in Cain’s heart, the Lord graciously reached out to him. “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?” At that point, Cain’s situation was still comparable to those of Asaph and Habakkuk. Had he responded with the same faith, obedience and humility they exhibited, he, like them, would have climbed right out of his pit of despair.
The Lord then proceeded to show Cain exactly what to do, reinforcing His instruction with a warning of the danger he was in: “If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it.” Simply put, God was giving Cain a chance to repent of his attitude. If he continued in prideful self-will, he would be powerless to resist the provocations toward evil of the enemy lurking nearby. Cain, regrettably, chose to remain locked in a prison of SELF, nursing his “grievances.” Self-pity turned to anger, which quickly gave place to rage. And rage, pursued to its end, led to murder.
The temptation Cain faced, and ultimately succumbed to, was toward violence. Self-pity distances a person from the Lord and increases his vulnerability to the enemy’s lures. Once a person throws a pity party, he will find that he has very little strength to withstand temptation.
The next time you find yourself discouraged over some difficult situation, turn to the Lord. You will find that as you “set your mind on things above,” you will be lifted right out of the doldrums! On the other hand, if you start giving over to self-pity, beware that “sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you.”
Steve Gallagher is the Founder and President of Pure Life Ministries. He has dedicated his life to helping men find freedom from sexual sin and leading Christians into the abundant life in God that comes through deep repentance.
Copyright © 2014 by Pure Life Ministries. Permission is granted to use, copy, distribute, or retransmit information or materials on this page, so long as proper acknowledgment is given to Pure Life Ministries as the source of the materials, and no modifications are made to such material.
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